The Dark Side of Self-Esteem
Anyone who works with young people will tell you that ‘self-esteem training’ certainly works. Young people, it seems, have complete confidence in their own abilities and charm but more particularly in their rights.
To an older generation this self-confidence appears more like haughtiness or arrogance. Young people seem not to have been told that it is the meek who inherit the earth; that humility is preferable to hubris and that one should eschew pretensions and presumptions. They neither know nor care that the first and perhaps the more serious of all the seven deadly sins is pride.
So whence this change? Haven’t teenagers always lurched uncomfortably between painful lack of self-confidence and overbearing cockiness? Is it just time, hormone stabilization, or a touch of reality in the work-place which gives them a sense of who they really are? Perhaps, but the self-esteem industry has a lot to answer for.
The self-esteem industry is found doing well in educational and counselling circles as well as self-help bookshops. The idea is that teenagers’ alienation; angst; delinquency; truancy and under-achievement are all a simple and complete function of the individuals poor self-esteem. And, equally naively, the argument is that all these socially undesirable behaviours can, quite easily, be alleviated by self-esteem training.
Curiously, whatever their demography, physique or ability profile, young people are apparently in need of self-esteem training. Young blacks have no heroes and a history of disadvantage and discrimination. Girls live in an unfair world that discriminates against them. The fat, short, disabled…you name it….need self-esteem training (therapy) because (and here’s the error) the possession of self-esteem is a cause of happiness, adjustment and self-actualisation.
The logic goes something like this: people who feel good about themselves are better citizens: they don’t break the law; they take school seriously and learn; they have better relationships; they don’t take drugs, etc. Furthermore, teaching self-esteem is comparatively easy (and cheap). Bingo! A new Eden.
But is self-esteem the cause or the consequence of success? People who are good at things – schoolwork, sport, music – receive feedback on their abilities. And they soon get into a virtuous circle. Their effort and ability get rewarded by success, which builds self-confidence, which increases effort and motivation which increase success. And up they go.
Does it help, in effect, to give people erroneous feedback about their abilities, performance or potential? The results of this seem all too apparent on that auditioning show called Pop Idol. Public fascination with the programme is driven by various factors but two in particular. First, how is it that some completely, musically and dramatically, talentless individuals were persuaded ever to take part. Second, and much more interesting, how they react to one or two honest judges giving them appropriately negative feedback. The aspirant pop idols are often shocked: some dumbfounded, others angry, a few tearful. This, it seems, is their first contact with reality…and it hurts.
The person - of whatever age - with fragile self-esteem seems very needy. Just like bi-polar adolescents, they seem over-sensitive to slights and over-needy for praise. They demand reassurance, but can be dismissive. Some go on arrogance-benders. Others resort to complaining to professional bodies about those who were not supportive and kind enough.
The self-esteem industry is fundamentally flawed by that old undergraduate issue of cause and correlation. The link is correctly made between self-esteem and adaptive and non-adaptive behaviours (virtuous and vicious cycles). But self-esteem is seen as a cause as opposed to a consequence.
Much better to find what people are good at and then train them extensively; help them to win and succeed. In other words, let their self-esteem be derived from their efforts and abilities. This will not be capricious nor will it lead to rebarbitive behaviour. But it’s more difficult and expensive. It’s also tricky if the object of the training appears to have few talents to explore. It does however lead to much better results…and the bright, rather than the dark side of esteem.
